Thursday, 25 June 2015

Moving on

Recently I've made some decisions for me. Just for me. For my own mental, emotional and spiritual well being. I've put off these decisions for so long for fear of other people, of letting them down, of hurting them. I've plodded on, going through the motions for so long, merely surfing certain situations/areas of my life and I felt so peaceful when I just made the decision to do it. So far it's gone well, people have been in total understanding, the grace and love given to me has blown me away. So, if you're putting something off at the moment then, this is just to encourage you to go for it, you might just be surprised.

Monday, 8 June 2015

Itchy feet

I have itchy feet. Proverbially of course! Just lately I've found myself day dreaming more often. Thinking about times in the past and what I want from the years ahead. Wow that sounds much deeper and more serious than I realised now I've written it down!

When I was 18 I spent three months backpacking solo across Europe and it was one of the best times of my life. Waking up somewhere different every morning, not knowing where I'd lay my head that night, meeting new people, seeing different places, it was probably the most alive and free I ever felt.

Sounds silly writing this all down! Of course life isn't going to be like that, I'm not 18 anymore and I'm married with responsibilities, perhaps I'm actually a proper grown up now!

Maybe it's having to have dealt with infertility for the past 5 years, perhaps I just want to escape it and the associated pain and disappointment, perhaps it is having been married for 7 years (7 year itch and all!?), perhaps it's just boredom!

But a while ago I read this article about the regrets of the dying and it's stuck with me. I don't want to wake up one day and regret the way I've spent my time. Especially this one- 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Sometimes I feel like I spend my life in a goldfish bowl, trying to do the right thing, say the right things and tow the line for everyone else! 

Anyway we're off to Crete in August and I'm planning to make myself a summer bucket list to give myself some focus and motivation and maybe some mini adventures!

What a ramble!